Porch pirate gets scoop of poop in fake package

Multnomah County

The dog poop was wrapped up in an REI box

Matt Coats and his dog. (KOIN)

PORTLAND, Ore. (KOIN) — One local man turned to offensive tactics when it came to defending his home against porch pirates during the holiday season.

After having a couple of packages stolen last year, Matt Coats made sure any local thieves would smell their failed attempt this year when he filled an old REI box with dog poop and placed it on his front porch as if it were a delivered package. He said he knew it was only a matter of time before someone would come by. And sure enough, Coats was right.

“If we’re going to be annoyed out here, why not have a little fun with it?” asked Coats. “Why not make their lives a little painful too?”

The poop theft was caught on camera by his home’s video surveillance. A man walked up to the front porch and walked off with it, but not before stopping at the neighbor’s house and stealing something from them too.

“I think the worst thing about porch piracy is just feeling so violated—to have somebody come up into your space and take something that’s yours,” said Coats. “It’s a crazy epidemic!”

A man walks back to the red car he drove up in with a fake package filled with dog poop in hand. (Courtesy Matt Coats)

Later, a neighbor called Coats to say they found the poop package a few blocks away. It had been tossed to the side of the road once the thief discovered what was inside. While the thief has not been caught, Coats said he wasn’t giving up just yet.

“It’s irritating because [the suspect’s] car is full of packages. Somebody’s lowering the window for him so he can put it in,” said Coats.

He told KOIN 6 News he has prepped more packages to surprise the next round of porch pirates who stop by, including one containing fur needles and dish soap.

“I’m waiting to get another box because I have a nice tree stump that would fit in there,” said Coats. “That would be amazing to try and watch somebody steal a tree stump.”

Coats now has a sign on his doorstep that asks drivers to leave packages anywhere else but the porch. Ultimately, filing a police report on the stolen packages is up to his neighbors who had real purchases taken.

“Mine was just art,” said Coats.

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